“You shouldn’t think what you’re feeling”…
“You shouldn’t think what you’re feeling” ~ Death Cab for Cutie – Transatlanticism – ‘Lightness’ I consider myself fairly attuned to my thoughts. Everything I think I analyze into why I think that, what would cause that thought, and/or how in the future should I address this. But the other day I came to the realization that I know what I am thinking but I don’t know what I am feeling/emotion. Don’t get me wrong I do have emotion/feelings but to describe it, it is like my thoughts are someone yelling and when it comes to my emotions it is like someone barely whispering. I wonder the causation of this; could it be an influence of society, a childhood habit of suppression, a lack of listening on my part, or what? Has anyone else had this realization/experience/dilemma?
What is it to be homosexual?
How do you define a homosexual? What makes them who they are? I don’t believe it is simply the fact that like homosexuals’ their own ‘equipment’ specification rather than the opposite sex’s. Is it they enjoy the conflict with so many others’ views, at least at a subconscious level? Could it be like Sigmund Freud said “it is their childhood experiences that cause their sex drive to be directed to members of the opposite or the same sex”. So does this mean our parents/guardians are to blame for who we love in our lives. Another interesting point is why is it that being homo doesn’t seem to be the default of one’s sexual preference; it seems they all tried the straight thing and knew in their hearts it wouldn’t work out that way. It also seems there is a lot of pain associated with being homosexual, and for that matter more happiness. Maybe the happiness is caused by the contrast of that pain against the happiness. (Again with that happiness theme) I don’t even begin to know if I have an answer for this one.
What is happiness?
I don’t know if it is the fact that I have only had 2 hours of sleep in the last 36 or what but I have had this deep philosophical conversation with a friend of mine. I’ll try to share some of the questions presented in this interesting conversation. What is happiness? Is it the amount of digits on your paychecks? Your total net worth (in dollars)? The amount of ‘bling’ you have collected? That your life partner’s intelligence is lower than their rating on “Hot or Not”; or yourself for that matter? I would like to think not. I don’t know for sure, but it seems that in America that is how it is defined. I would like to think not because of a life of material gain and possession would mean that you would not be you if you were stripped of all that. Would that mean you are nothing? Another point I would like to think about is: What is the ideal position all would like to retire to? Really think about it? It seems most would like to move out of America and to a tropical island and live as bare as possible. No TV, no phones, sit around in a straw hut and drink out of a coconut. It seems most don’t want to do that until later in life 50 years of age plus. Why don’t you do it now? What really is stopping one? Currently you live in a place where the cost of a car payment is exponentially more than most others annual pay in those ideal retire tropical third world countries. And really you don’t need to know the language where ever one moves/retires to, just move there and have a motivated learning curve.